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On the morning of day 9, I could hear one of my favorite refrains ear-worming through my mind:

Give it one more day
One more day
Just when your faith is gone
Give it one more day

Throughout day 9, the last full day of the retreat, the anticipation of post-retreat life was starting to flood my mind with so many ideas for songs and people I wanted to reach out to and plans I needed to make… so many trains of association, whisking me away from my final day on retreat.

I was looking back and ahead – back at a beautiful, and sometimes harrowing, retreat experience; ahead to what would no doubt also be a beautiful and harrowing post-retreat experience!

I noticed lots of emotions bubbling up and falling away – sadness about leaving the tranquility of this place; excitement about reconnecting with Shawn; anxiety about the barrage of emails and messages I’d be juggling in the coming days; inspiration to write and create and think about this whole experience.

And then I would remember, in the voice of one of my favorite YouTubers: ‘It’s just a thought.’

And then, I would walk to the main hall, or fill my lunch bowl with soup, or take a sip of my tea, or tie my boots for my afternoon walk, and remember: There is just this.

I even jotted down these words in my notebook:

Maybe I’m crazy, but I think I’m ready for what the world has in store.

And maybe I *am* crazy, but I still feel ready.